I work a lot with people-pleasers. Because of this, the clients I work with often want to figure out how to fix their problems. They’re so used to trying to fix other people’s problems that they believe everything will be better once they have a solution.
Well, the clients who have success with me know that there’s no magic solution. They might start by asking me for answers, to help them “fix” away their problems…but they soon realize that there is no quick fix. These clients realize that they want to take the time to learn how to listen to their needs. They want to stop looking to other people for solutions or even to give them their sense of worth. I’m not here to give them a fish—I’m here to help them learn how to fish (& sometimes it can take a dang long time to catch a fish, am I right?)
I also work with clients who have experienced religious trauma. This is a separate niche, so my clients might have religious trauma without being a people-pleaser, or they might be a people-pleaser without having religious trauma. But these two aren’t mutually exclusive. Sometimes my clients fall into both categories: because of the religious trauma they experienced, they learned codependent behaviors that encouraged their people-pleasing tendencies. Whether my clients fall into either or both categories, there are past experiences they want to process to help them change their beliefs about how they show up in relationships.
In general, most of the clients I see have experienced complex trauma. Because of this, they often have a lot of self-awareness. I love this—it gives us a leg up in our work, since we know a bit about why they are the way they are. Now, the clients who have success with me are willing to slow down & come back into their bodies. This is different than what they’ve know most of their lives—they’ve always sought self-awareness so that they can feel in-control of knowing themselves, flaws & all. I work well with the clients who are willing to pause. They stop intellectualizing & they embrace their emotions.
Oh, & these clients come ready to work. They’re tired of how things have been & they’re ready to see shifts in their lives. They’re ready to make those shifts happen. It’s okay if they don’t know what they need to do just yet—that’s what our time together in therapy is for! But they do know they need something to change in their lives.
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people-pleasing is a trendy focus these days for therapists & those seeking therapy. if you want to work through your people-pleasing tendencies with me, we’ll explore the origins of your people-pleasing: when did it start? when did you begin to believe that your worth was tied to how helpful or happy you were? how does safety, control & connection play a role in your people-pleasing tendencies?
once we explore the root causes, we’ll validate the worries & fears that keep you from prioritizing yourself. we’ll understand the self-abandoning behaviors you’ve developed & we’ll figure out how you want to show up instead. we’ll find ways to help you foster meaningful relationships & communicate boundaries (once you’re ready for boundaries—boundaries can be scary! i get it, as a recovering people-pleaser myself :)
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the relationship issues we dive into aren’t just present in your current relationships: sure, that’s what we explore to understand your patterns & behaviors. but therapy with me isn’t just about processing a break-up or venting about an annoying friend: we’ll take a hard look at those relationships you just keep finding yourself in again & again. we’ll confront the ways you show up in relationships that you’re not exactly proud of. we’ll explore all these things with curiosity & compassion, because we’ll try to understand where your blueprint for relationships came from & why you learned you had to show up a certain way in your relationships.
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while it can be difficult to acknowledge that all of your needs weren’t met in childhood, it can be empowering to validate that very thing so you can understand how you adapted accordingly. the attachment wounds we experienced from our caretakers stay with us & inform the way we show up in the world & in our relationships.
i’m here to help you gently face some of the things you experienced, while learning to hold multiple truths about your experiences: there can be pain where there is also gratitude.
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growing up in high-control religion completely shapes one’s values, beliefs & identity. leaving high-control religion is more than just deciding to not go to church: it’s a choice to walk away from your community & to rebuild the way you live your life.
those who get it, get it—and i get it. i left high-control religion & am here to hold space for you as you process the intricate ways that religion shaped & impacted your everyday life.
My clients experience these main issues:
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i work with any clients who have emotionally immature parents, but my bread & butter are the clients with emotionally immature mothers.
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i love holding space for those who hold so much for others & who give so much to others. calling all those who over-give or over-do in their relationships (maybe to the point of resentment)!
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i really enjoy working with other therapists. i’ve had multiple therapist clients, and i love being extra-human for my therapist clients, so they can feel extra-comfy showing their human parts without any worries of judgment (because hello! therapists are humans, too)
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being a big feeler doesn’t mean you don’t intellectualize—i enjoy working with intellectualizers too :) but big feelers typically veer towards being creatives/empaths, and i really enjoy the natural flow of sessions with clients who have a creative way of seeing things & who have a tendency to be naturally informed by their emotions.
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while i work with anyone who has left a high-control religion, i can relate most specifically to those who have left the mormon church, because i also left the mormon church :) (i went to BYU, served a mission & even worked for LDS charities for some time!)
I work especially well with:
*if I haven’t listed a specialty area here, it doesn’t mean I don’t work with those presenting concerns or issues—this is just the short list of what I choose to focus on. Feel free to fill out my New Client Questionnaire or e-mail me if you want to see if I’m comfortable working with your unique presenting concerns or issues!