10 things people-pleasers try to control
“control” often has a negative connotation in our society today. but control is important: it helps us feel safe. especially for those of us who have experienced trauma, we want to feel in control of our lives because we have learned there is so much that is out of our control. as people-pleasers, there is a lot that is outside of our control that we try to control. here are 10 things that people-pleasers try to control:
approval: people-pleasers often seek to control the approval & validation they receive from others. they strive to gain acceptance & avoid disapproval or rejection.
perception: they may try to control how others perceive them by presenting a specific image or persona that they believe will be more likable or desirable to others.
conflict: people-pleasers often try to avoid conflict or disagreements by going along with others' preferences or opinions, attempting to control the situation to maintain harmony.
criticism: they may try to prevent or minimize criticism by anticipating others' expectations & trying to meet them before any negative feedback arises.
rejection: people-pleasers often try to control situations or behaviors to avoid being rejected or abandoned by others. they fear that asserting their own needs or boundaries may result in rejection.
emotional discomfort: they may try to control their own or others' emotional discomfort by prioritizing others' needs & emotions over their own. they aim to create a sense of harmony & avoid potential conflicts or tense situations.
perfection: people-pleasers may strive to control the perception that they are perfect or flawless. they fear that any mistakes or shortcomings will lead to judgment or disappointment from others.
relationships: they may attempt to control their relationships by constantly accommodating others' desires, preferences, & expectations. this can create an imbalance in the relationship dynamic & hinder the expression of their authentic selves.
boundaries: people-pleasers may struggle to assert their own boundaries & instead try to control situations by saying "yes" even when they want to say "no." they fear that setting boundaries may lead to conflict or rejection.
self-worth: they may attempt to control their own sense of self-worth by seeking external validation & relying on others' opinions or approval to feel valuable or worthy.
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