4 examples of responses that can come from two different emotional states

similar behaviors can be produced from two very different emotional states. more specifically, we might notice our behaviors look the same externally when we are acting from a place of self-preservation (our trauma response) as when we are acting from a place of self-safety (establishing boundaries).

here are 4 examples of responses that can come from those two different emotional states:

1. withdrawing from a situation or relationship:

• trauma response: suddenly & abruptly disconnecting or isolating oneself as a means of self-protection & to escape from overwhelming emotions or triggers.

• establishing boundaries: choosing to take space or step back from a situation or relationship to honor one's own needs, create emotional safety, & maintain personal boundaries.

2. setting clear limits or saying no:

• trauma response: reacting with an immediate & forceful "no" without much consideration or explanation, stemming from a sense of fear, discomfort, or hypervigilance.

• establishing boundaries: asserting personal limits & expressing one's preferences or needs through clear communication, taking into account personal values & emotional well-being.

3. defending oneself or becoming defensive:

• trauma response: reacting with a heightened defensiveness, aggression, or hostility, perceiving a threat or attack even if none is present due to a heightened state of arousal.

• establishing boundaries: advocating for oneself in a calm & assertive manner, expressing concerns or disagreements while maintaining respect & open communication.

4. seeking safety or creating distance:

• trauma response: engaging in behaviors aimed at creating physical or emotional distance from a trigger or perceived threat, such as leaving abruptly or avoiding certain places or people.

• establishing boundaries: recognizing & honoring the need for safety & emotional well-being, intentionally creating distance from situations or individuals that are harmful or detrimental to one's mental and emotional health.

when we are healing & starting to act from a grounded & intentional place of self-safety, we might view some of these behaviors & think they are indication that we haven’t healed. this is because we previously knew them as a way to protect ourselves, in context of our triggered trauma response.

walking away from an unsafe environment or conversation doesn’t mean we are shutting down or reverting to previous patterns. it COULD—but it could also mean we are creating boundaries & intentionally cultivating safety for ourselves.

it’s important to note the underlying motivation & emotional state beneath our behaviors. this gives us power as we are intentional in our self-awareness. in a trauma response, the behavior typically arises from a place of fear, hypervigilance, or being overwhelmed by past traumatic experiences. when establishing boundaries, the behavior arises from a grounded & intentional desire to protect oneself, honor personal values, & maintain emotional well-being.

*you can read more of these posts on my instagram page, @therapy.with.emilee