four things boundaries are not
Four things boundaries are not:
Ultimatums, Reactions, or Threats. Boundaries are non-negotiable—they are facts. Boundaries do not change dependent on others’ behavior. Boundaries are best decided upon & communicated while in a grounded, intentional state.
Walls. Unlike the walls we might put up when we distrust others or fear rejection in relationships, boundaries are more like fences. These fences are placed for our safety, and allow us to have a relationship with others. They don’t shut others out: instead, they let others know how to show up within a relationship with us.
Attempts to change others. We don’t have control over others: only ourselves. Sure, our boundaries might influence others, since they let others know what we will & will not tolerate, but the changes made come from us, not others. Boundaries are not: “You can’t yell at me!” Boundaries are: “When you yell at me, I’m going to walk away.”
Always easy. Boundaries are shifts in our behavior and in the relationship we have with someone else. Old habits die hard & patterns are easy to fall into. That’s okay! With time, we can create, maintain & reinforce the boundaries we want & need in our relationships.
*You can read more of these posts on my instagram page, @therapy.with.emilee
