from fawning to freedom: overcoming people pleasing and healing your trauma response
People-pleasing is a common phrase, and perhaps a behavior that is all too common in our own lives. People-pleasing can stem from a trauma response known as fawning—a less common concept. In this post, I’ll explain what fawning is, how it affects us, and how we can overcome it to live a more authentic life.
Introduction to People Pleasing and Fawning Trauma Response
People pleasing is a common behavior where individuals prioritize the needs of others over their own, often at the expense of their mental health and wellbeing. Fawning trauma response is a specific type of people pleasing that is rooted in childhood trauma. It is often seen in individuals who grew up in environments where they had to constantly appease their caregivers to avoid emotional or physical harm.
Fawning is a survival mechanism that helps individuals navigate situations where they feel unsafe or threatened. It involves ingratiating oneself to others, being overly agreeable, and suppressing one's own needs and wants. While fawning may have been helpful in childhood, it can lead to feelings of resentment, anxiety, and low self-esteem in adulthood.
Understanding the Impact of Family of Origin on Our Patterns, Roles, and Beliefs
Our family of origin plays a significant role in shaping our patterns, roles, and beliefs. The way we were raised and the environment we grew up in can influence how we interact with others and view ourselves. In the case of fawning trauma response, individuals who grew up in abusive or neglectful environments may have learned to prioritize the needs of their caregivers over their own.
Children who experience trauma may also develop coping mechanisms, such as fawning, to help them deal with the stress and uncertainty of their environment. These coping mechanisms can become ingrained and carry over into adulthood, even when they are no longer necessary.
Recognizing the Signs and Symptoms of Fawning Trauma Response
Recognizing the signs and symptoms of fawning trauma response is an important step in overcoming people pleasing. Some common signs of fawning include:
Prioritizing the needs of others over your own
Avoiding conflict at all costs
Being overly agreeable
Difficulty saying no
Suppressing emotions and needs
Feeling resentful or angry when others don't reciprocate your efforts
If you find yourself exhibiting these behaviors, it may be a sign that you are engaging in fawning trauma response.
How Fawning Trauma Response Affects Anxiety and Rejection
Fawning trauma response can have a significant impact on one's mental health, particularly anxiety and rejection. When we prioritize the needs of others over our own, we can become hyper-vigilant to signs of potential rejection or disapproval. This can lead to feelings of anxiety and stress, as we are constantly monitoring our behavior and adjusting to please others.
Additionally, when we engage in fawning, we are often seeking external validation and approval. This can lead to feelings of rejection or low self-worth if our efforts are not reciprocated or appreciated. It is important to recognize that our worth is not tied to the approval of others and that we are deserving of love and respect simply for existing.
Identifying Your Needs and Setting Boundaries
To overcome fawning trauma response, it is essential to identify your own needs and learn how to set boundaries. This can be a challenging process, particularly if you have spent much of your life prioritizing the needs of others. However, it is a necessary step in creating a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Start by reflecting on your own needs and wants. What brings you joy? What are your values and priorities? Once you have a better understanding of your own needs, you can begin to set boundaries with others. This may involve saying no to requests that don't align with your values or taking time for yourself to engage in self-care.
Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable at first, but it is an essential step in reclaiming your own agency and living a more authentic life.
Healing from Fawning Trauma Response and Creating a New Narrative
Healing from fawning trauma response involves recognizing the impact of your childhood experiences on your current patterns and behaviors. It also involves challenging the beliefs and narratives that you have internalized as a result of those experiences.
Working with a therapist can be a helpful way to explore the root causes of your fawning trauma response and develop strategies for healing. It may also involve engaging in self-care practices, such as meditation, journaling, or exercise, that help to cultivate a sense of self-worth and agency.
Creating a new narrative involves reframing your beliefs about yourself and your place in the world. This may involve letting go of old patterns and behaviors that no longer serve you and embracing new ways of being that align with your own values and needs.
Coping Strategies for Overcoming People Pleasing
In addition to identifying your own needs and setting boundaries, there are a number of coping strategies that can help you overcome people pleasing. These include:
Practicing self-compassion and self-care
Developing a support system of individuals who prioritize your own needs and values
Engaging in hobbies and activities that bring you joy and fulfillment
Challenging negative self-talk and limiting beliefs
Learning to assert yourself and communicate your needs effectively
Resources for Healing and Overcoming People Pleasing
There are a number of resources available for individuals who are looking to heal from fawning trauma response and overcome people pleasing. These include:
Therapy and counseling services
Support groups and online communities
Books and podcasts focused on personal growth and healing
Workshops and training programs focused on assertiveness and boundary-setting
Overcoming People Pleasing in Personal and Professional Relationships
Overcoming people pleasing can be challenging, particularly in personal and professional relationships. It may involve having difficult conversations with loved ones or learning to assert yourself in the workplace. However, it is important to recognize that prioritizing your own needs and values is essential for living a fulfilling and authentic life.
Learning to set boundaries and communicate your needs effectively can help to strengthen your relationships and build deeper connections with others. It may also involve letting go of relationships that no longer serve you or align with your values.
Embracing Freedom and Authenticity
Overcoming people pleasing and fawning trauma response is a challenging but essential step in living a more authentic and fulfilling life. It involves recognizing the impact of our childhood experiences on our current patterns and beliefs, identifying our own needs and setting boundaries, and developing a new narrative that aligns with our own values and priorities.
By embracing freedom and authenticity, we can cultivate a deeper sense of self-worth and agency, build stronger relationships, and create a more fulfilling life for ourselves.
