we need to trust people to take care of themselves

As people-pleasers or codependents, we might try to control a lot of things that we don't have control over: how others feel, how others perceive us, or the outcome of a situation.

Managing these things takes a lot of work. We take in every little detail to try to understand how we need to act next.

We listen to someone's tone of voice, we read the changes in their facial expressions, we inspect their body language, we pick up on their general energy.

All of this input gives us clues about what is the best best for us--how we should act in order to control the outcome or someone's resulting emotions.

It is not our responsibility to pick up on all of these clues to act according to what we assume someone's needs. It is not fair of us to assume we know what others need, especially if it is not verbally communicated to us.

It is the responsibility of others to take care of what they need. It is fair of others to verbally communicate to us what they need, if it involves us.

We need to remember that people are capable of managing their own lives and emotions--they don't need us to do that for them. We need to trust others to take care of themselves.