values vs. roles

We all have values. From security to risk-taking, community to independence, & peace to power, these values shape who we are. I find that asking clients to identify their values provides them with a sense of identity & provides us (within the therapeutic relationship) a foundation to work from as we examine & explore their life experiences.

When an experience doesn't sit well with us, we might ask: was I moving towards or away from my values? When we feel proud of how we responded in a strained moment, we might ask: what value was I leaning into? When we are reevaluating a boundary, we might ask: how does this align with my values?

As a people lover, my list of values includes connection, empathy, love, & altruism, to name a few. As a people pleaser, these quickly shift from being values to becoming a role I play. Sometimes, I am caretaking as a value. And other times, I am caretaking as a role--it fulfills a need, allowing me to feel worthy of love as I pay my dues, in the currency of my values.

The trick is for us to note when this shift happens. We all have our own patchwork quit of values & we all have our own alert system to let us know when we are stepping away from those values. Whether we feel it in our gut, or whether we notice ourselves behaving inauthentically, becoming aware of those moments when we cross the line can be beneficial & even crucial to our growth.

So pause with me at some moment today & ask: Am I acting from a place of my values or am I acting out a role?

(Brene Brown has a wonderful list of values: https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values)