re-learning safety as a codependent

as codependents, we need to re-learn what safety means.

let’s talk about what safety used to look like for us & what it actually is now:

codependence is learned in our family of origin. in childhood, we learned to forget our feelings, thoughts & needs. instead, we focused our energy & attention on others’ feelings, thoughts & needs.

let’s show some compassion towards this behavior: it kept us safe as children. but in adult relationships, safety looks different now. it’s time that we re-learn what safety looks & feels like.

safety used to look like making decisions for others. safety is actually respecting others’ autonomy & independence—letting them have responsibility for themselves.

safety used to look like self-abandonment & self-neglect. safety is actually prioritizing ourselves & establishing self-care habits & routines.

safety used to look like letting others do whatever they wanted to ensure their acceptance or even kindness towards us. safety is actually establishing clear boundaries to ensure we are treated well in our relationships.

you have the control & power over your life & relationships. while you cannot guarantee others will be a safe space, you can create safety for yourself. it’s time to re-learn what safety means.

*You can read more of these posts on my instagram page, @therapy.with.emilee