why it’s important to ask others what they need:

there’s a helpful suggestion (you might have heard) for when someone comes to you with an issue. before we say anything, we can ask them “do you need empathy or strategy right now?” i’ve adapted this into asking if they need us to solve or sit—whether they want me to help problem-solve, or want me to just sit with them in their emotions.

this is an important way we can show up more intentionally for others. it’s also a way we can show up better for ourselves. i’ll explain why:

believing it’s our job to fix someone is a porous boundary. when we jump to solve without first asking if that’s what someone needs, we are violating a boundary by assuming we know what they need. this can cause the other person to feel misunderstood, invalidated, or unsafe.

even further, assuming we know what someone needs can perpetuate a habit of caretaking what isn’t ours to take care of. it isn’t considerate to ourselves—it puts unnecessary responsibility on us & reinforces possible beliefs that we need to guess or predict what others need from us.

try it out! see how you feel & how others react when you ask them what they need from you. it might feel inorganic or vulnerable. it also might lead to deeper connection & understanding.

*you can read more of these posts on my instagram page, @therapy.with.emilee